The strength to carry on
Not comes from a loved one
It comes from inside
Comes from the loving one

Because he must support her
Give her a place to seek
To seek warm and comfort
Like a place to sleep

For if he does not have the strength
Where can she turn to
To find more strength some place
To find someone who is true

Because only the true one dares to lose
To lose everything for her
As a passerby in your life
You have the strength i am sure...

From Cindy

Wonder if i am really that strong
Seems i have weaken in my cause
Emotions clouded who i am
No longer sure as before

Upon the shackles of my life
People come and go
Yet every little point in this life
Is there a lady that i hold

Never knew the reason behind
Never knew what i did
All i know was they needed someone
And that someone i chose to be

Advice have i used to give
Now that skill no longer lives
Seems that emotions clouded my thoughts
Tonight no words could i speak

Knew not then, what to do
When the tears fell out of the blue
Topic was her greatest heartache
Yet she told me all she could

There was nothing that i did
Just sat there and let her be
I could never really know
What she went through, all she told

Wanted to lend her my shoulder
Wanted her to know i'm there
Wanted to hence forth take care of her
Yet to tell her, i do not dare

When have i been so weak
And so scared to care for a loved one
When have i become so shallow
That i no longer can think....

All around the land i went
Many places have i been
Eventually here i am
Back to where i began

Things i've seen
Things i've done
Things i've decided
Things i've enjoyed

Know not if i will be going
Know not if i will stay
But know that i will be living
Life with a wider heart these days

Emotions weakening
Not knowing how to handle
Love strong and longing
Comfort desired yet lacking....

Wonder who can answer my call
Wonder who is the one to come to me
Wonder when will i find
The right one for me....

Love that once was so strong
Love that i held for so long
Love that once set me on my knees
Now, no longer am i bounded strongly

Heart which longs to see
Heart which longs to hear
Yet heart is no longer drastic
Over the absence of the deer

Heart may be fleeting
Heart may drift
But who's to know where my heart will be
At the end of where i go

I no longer feel so uptight about Wei Song not wanting to speak to me. At where i am, i an only waiting for her to come and i am not doing anything. That can never be the way to go. But somehow, perhaps all i can do is to continue letting her know about my life, keeping some contact with her, no matter how one way it may be. Yet i know, she still lives in my heart, never to go away, never to diminish. But now there's someone who caught my eye, someone whom i worked with for a long time. She accepts me for who i am and understands, she does not put ideas into my head, and thinks in a way so sophisticated and unique that i am so attracted to her. Perhaps not in a romantic way; just a psychological attraction. I don't know what to do about it. Hmmm... more is to come, let's just wait and see then.

Life
About who one is
About how one lives
About the way one looks at things
About the love that one has
About the hatred and the peron one detests
About morals
About thoughts
About society
And what have you not

What then when one is two
What then will them both do
Seemingly impossible it may be
But emulation we still may see
How then will one handle this?
Consciousness of one in the other
Helplessness of both in front each other

What happens when you see another person within you? what if consciousness is the same for 2? Will they conflict so greatly that the lives of the 2 clash and cause each other pain; so much so that they can't live with each other? What happens then? What happens then... ?

Solitude seems so hard to bear
Companions one seeks just to share
Love and protection for one's needs
Relationships started with no end

Man are social creatures. As such, they cannot survive alone technically. Companionship is what each and every human being holds on to very dearly. However, there comes a time in a person's life that communal companionship such as friendship, brotherhood, etc. no longer seem to be important. It is an individual companion that one seeks for. What is the reason behind this phenomenon? And furthermore, it is targetted at a person of the opposite sex. As such, many see this desire for companionship as love and relationships are started, however, there is no thought of an end; no completion; no finale. Issues may end up just floating and there will never be put to an end...

Just had this new thought. Angels are near perfect entities. The only reason they are not perfect are that they do not have free will, or rather, are unable to exercise it. On the other hand, the only perfect aspect of man is that man is able to exercise free will. The Devil is just an angel who has broken free of the bondage of its free will and is able to disagree; Decided to continue to disagree with God for all eternity.

More to come as the days go by.
Never have i seen this light
Dangerous to many it may seem
To know still will i seek
Only then will i truly know
The Believe that i hold...

Day of thoughts
Day of wonder
Day when my mind satrts to wander...

Day of truth
Day of lies
Day when both seem so hard to find...

Day when God seems right and wrong?
Day when contradictions come along

Day of which i heard my first
Theory of reality beyond our world

Thoughts which suddenly then appeared
Thoughts which set me in a whirl

Thoughts which plagued me through the night
Yet thoughts that interests me all this time

Thoughts which ignited my desire
To know the HERs who's hidden in that mind

Met Eunice after 15 days of total absence from each other. And as always, we always talked about issues which are beyond normal day life. Well, perhaps not exactly, but definately not topics which i will speak to others about. Wong and Kel are open, but somehow, religion is not exactly their forte...

Don really knew how the conversation started, but religion did me talk about; issues and practices of the very religion we both believe in and at the same time, questioning and yet know the existance of the very essence of Christianity. If any Christian knew what went on on that converstion, we may both have been said to be blasphemous, and she will probably be thrown out of her church... Somehow, i learnt so much about the differences of church cultures. But don't all churches build themselves upon the same doctrine? Then why do some churches think that they have a better grasp of the religion? Isn't Christianity a simple religion; built on the very fact that God loved this world and sent Jesus his son to die for us so that we may be eternal? Laws are of the olden days aren't they? We obey what seems to be the olden laws because we know that it is right and we love God thus we follow. Is that not what is taught? What are some of the rules and regulations of certain churches based on? The exact words of GOD?? Or just a human interpretaion which will make people seem away from this world and 'Godly'? What about acts applicable only to the religion? Baptism? Why do churches see this symbolic event in so many different ligths? Why are children and infants denied this privilage, this sacrament, this wonderous beginning of their christian life? Perhaps i am being very biased, i do not know. But what is the reason behind such incompatibilities between families of the same origin?

Such is the power of talk... that i am now embedded in the string of thoughts and more thoughts. Eunice is beginning to be more and more interesting. More and more intriguing. More and more beyond this mundane world.

Misses Song suddenly... Don't know why...

Heart of gold
Heart of relief
Heart Wants to help the needy
Heart Afraid
Heart Fears to contemplate
Heart Scared to see the truth
Heart To face ones deepest fears
Heart To see what man desires
Heart To see the one i love
Heart To see the one who loves
Heart To see those that are close to me
Heart That may be so soon dead
Heart which dies not of grieve
But of pain that i may see
However terrifying it may be, i still hope they will pick me...

It seems that my wish to help out in the relief efforts in Sumatra may soon become a reality. I just hope that when the day comes, i will truly be able to help and not be a burden to the team, not be overwhelmed by what i may see. I pray that the Lord be with me, letting me carry out what is required of me, responding to the cries of the needy in those areas... During every communion session, the phrase 'we have not heard the cry of the needy' really struck me. It seems that i have nv been doing what is right, what is demanded, what is commanded. Now, the calling is within me, to go. To go for those who are in pain; for those who are suffering; for those who have lost all that they have lived for. Now, only the Lord can carry them out of this pain and i desire to be the one to bring peace and comfort to them who are in need...

As of tmr, i am going to be posted up to Manpower branch in OCS Hq to help out with the commissioning parade. I really feel happy for my friends who are finally going to be officers, esp Wong. Hopefully after he is finally an officer, he will not seem to be under so much shit. So, it seems that i will definately be around on the 23rd of this month doing work. Lets just say i would not want to work under SSM directly... =p Sadly, that will mean that i won be going for the POI field camp anymore... quite sad. I was quite looking forward to seeing the actual excercise. But i guess i don have a choice now.

Spoke to Kelvin last night... talked about sq and song... i really miss her.. but somehow, i do not feel detached from her.. it is as if we were never really apart from each other, as though we live in each other... I know that Song feels the same way no matter how much she seems to be trying to hide from me. i hope kelvin and sq will find this feeling for each other within their hearts. All the best, Buddy...

Now to my dear yuwen. i know you are going through much. I know that you may think that you are not who you act to be. I know that your heart breaks because of what SHE has done. But strong and couragous. i will always be here for you, giving you support. Even when i cannot be in front of you, i think you can still be reminded of me by the 2 thingys rite?
=)

Wonder when the order will come for me to fly off. i am really looking forward to be able to go and help..

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

1. To set up a 'library' cum coffee joint cum bar by the year 2012.

2. To start working part-time at a coffee joint and a bar when i ORD.

3. To come up with a blue print for the plans for the coffee joint.

4. To start on 'smile of the lucifer 2' and another script of Singaporean context for collection.

5. To be a vessel for the Father.

May the Lord be with me and Lead me through my endeavours for the years to come.

Amen.